BREATHARIANS: THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS REAL, RIGHT?

0930breatharian

My brother Timmy deserves all the credit for this. I don’t know how he stumbled upon this, but if this has already made the rounds, and I somehow missed it the first time through, forgive me. (Apparently, Amanda knew about it, some chick died in the woods or something last year. I was kinda fake-listening at the time.)  This is truly batshit insanity, crossed with new-age hogwash that combines and coagulates into solid 24K Teddy Pendergrass-level YouTube GOLD. Let me introduce you to Peter Prana Eater. He’s a self-described Breatharian.

Breathawhatian? What’s that? Oh, they’re people who claim they don’t need to eat food. EVER.

breatharian-1 

Here’s how it’s described on Wikipedia: (It sends you to something called Inedia, which is what it’s based on, before they pepper it with crazy juice, I guess.)

Inedia is the alleged ability to live without food, which has been dismissed by the scientific community. Breatharianism is a related concept, in which believers claim food and possibly water are not necessary, and that humans can be sustained solely by prana (the vital life force in Hinduism), or according to some, by the energy in sunlight. The terms breatharianism or inedia may also refer to this philosophy practiced as a lifestyle in place of the usual diet. While it is often seen as an esoteric practice performed by eastern ascetics, recently some groups and individuals such as the Breatharian Institute of America have promoted the practice as an option for anybody, once the proper techniques for accessing it are made known (after paying a fee of 25,000,000 USD, in the case of the Breatharian Institute of America[1]).

No, really.  I’ve heard of shit like this before, but I didn’t know about Peter’s YouTube channel, which is nuttier than a pile of PayDays drizzled with squirrel poop:    

 Come on.

No, seriously.  COME ON.  Try describing it to me or something. What else you got, Pete?

Well, I don’t know what the fuck THAT was supposed to be. You want to try another video, maybe one with a graphic you didn’t openly swipe from FREAKING GETTY IMAGES?!

Ok, Pete. I’ve still got an open mind. Bring in some of your yoga buddies to help convince me. You link to something in your channel called Sun Gazing, which sounds like it requires me staring directly at the sun. That doesn’t strike me as such a bright idea, but what the fuck do I know, I only have a college education and a shred of COMMON FUCKING SENSE. But what the hell, Let’s get crazy. Show me what you got.

OH GOD OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM KILL IT WITH FIRE THE SIDEBURNS ARE EVIL GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

For fuck’s sake, man. Warn a brother if you’re going to bring out the Gremlins.

Ok, last shot, Pete. Hit me with the best, most reasonable argument you got. I’m begging you. I could really go for a Hotpocket right now.

Further down the Rabbit Hole?! Come the FUCK ON.  Now only if they had a blog for their incoherent mumbo-jumbo…

Oh right, what’s that really cool thing called again? Oh yes.  Google.

JACKPOT.

Lo & Behold- From Peter’s YouTube profile:

breatharians
Joined: June 29, 2008
Last Sign In: 1 day ago
Videos Watched: 545
Subscribers: 22
Channel Views: 1,745
I’m trying to become an Breatharian – someone who does not eat because he/she doesn’t need food anymore. See my blog – link down in the profile. Breatharianism is a spiritual path. Right now I’m mostly on liquid diet, my weight is 109-111 lbs, height is 5’9″. I feel good :-) Feel free to contact me for advice, questions etc. See my blog for more info.

Name: Breatharian
Age: 30

My I Amness at higher levels transcends the confines of human perception that limits the Holy of Holies to a personality associated with only one philosophy. Ab-Soul-luteness of Being transcends all limited belief systems. I-Amness-Buddha-Christ emanates Light that shines brighter than the rays of the most brilliant sun. My ancient teachings persevere as written and oral sacred scriptures. Throughout time I have cloaked my I Amness in many guises. Nevertheless, that which was given to early humans remains of paramount importance. I Am That I Am. Keeper of the Immaculate Ray, the Flame of Life. My I Amness intercepts and interprets Divine Light for developing star systems. I Am that which covers Earth with a cloak of brilliant light. I Am Essence of One, sometimes known as the Immaculate Brother of Heavenly Lights. I greet you from the Pleiades. I greet you from Earth. I greet you from Arcturus and distant Andromeda galaxy. My Amness is contained in all things. That Which Is One is indeed One, and forever. I have embodied upon Earth many times, in many forms, to establish the simple dynamics of unconditional Love as Divine Law on Earth.
City: Hartford, CT Area
Hometown: Prague, Czech
Country: United States
Interests and Hobbies: Breatharianism – Living without food, yoga, meditations, fasting, fitness & exercise, spirituality, not eating, diets
Website:
http://xanga.com/breatharians
About Me: I haven’t eaten since August 2005!! I live on water, sunlight and air alone. I do special breathaing exercises, yoga and meditations, I will teach anyone willing to learn :-)!!

 

Wow, thanks Pete. That’s all the cops are gonna need.
There’s plenty more “information” out there, just check out Mr. Wiley Brooks’ Breatharian page. That looks trustworthy and not sketchy at all. I’m almost positive he doesn’t still own a rape van. (Surprisingly, that last link is SFW and awesome.)
This PROBABLY isn't Wiley Brooks' rapemobile. We think.

This PROBABLY isn't Wiley Brooks' rapemobile. We think.

Huh, upon further inspection, our boy Pete says he’s 5’9″. I’m 5″9. I weigh 188 lbs, and my doctor tells me I’m average. Pete says he weighs damn near half that. How the fuck can that be healthy?
 
Now, I don’t know if this is real or not, but if it is… it definitely makes MY I Amness feels a whole lot better about itself after realizing there  are people who willingly submit to this vortex of crazy out there.
Great, now I’m hungry.  
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About Braden

I'm Braden from the "Karlson & McKenzie" show on 100.7 WZLX, Boston's Classic Rock. I'm the co-founder of coltmonday.com, and a contributor to WZLX.com, as well. I think I'm hilarious.
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One Response to BREATHARIANS: THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS REAL, RIGHT?

  1. Southie says:

    I became a breatharian freshman year of college, only I called it: “deciding to spend my money on Natty Ice and Marlboros instead of Ramen.”

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