THAT GUY – ASKING ALL THE STUPID QUESTIONS IN A MEETING
Listen to it here: WZLX Karlson & McKenzie’s Podcast Page. Originally aired OCTOBER 5TH, 2009 on 100.7 WZLX Boston’s Classic Rock : The “Karlson & McKenzie” Morning Show. Dowload it here:
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THAT GUY – POINTLESS QUESTION MEETING EXTENDER ASKER GUY
(note to self: Come up with something better than that. Yeesh)
Well they there, porklinks. So, I’ve had this one sitting on the shelf longer than one of Kevin’s patented bathroom breaks, (why else would we play that long classic rock block in the 9 o’clock hour other than to let Kev try to kill the one toilet we all have to share on this floor on a daily basis?) But It’s about time to break it out like faster than Pete does with a long winded recap of his latest golfing exploits as soon as there’s a 2 second break in any conversation.
We have staff meetings here at ZLX, where they round up all the airstaff, and management, (actually, just one really angry Mike Thomas, with his tiny little doll like fists clenched in midget rage) sit us down to tell us why and how much we suck. It’s like your typical meeting, only Chuck Nowlin’s there, with his quote unquote jokes and quote unquote teeth. So he’s braying and smiling like seabiscuit the whole time, while I undoubtedly have to pee like him, because just like a Judd Apatow movie, these meetings always take way too freaking long to end. But this last one, boy howdy, was even longer than normal, thanks to That Guy. That Guy in a meeting who keeps asking stupid questions.
Shut up, and put your hand down. Nobody likes a teacher’s pet, you’re not getting extra credit by pretending like you’re really invested in this lecture on how to not suck as Radio DJs. I’m not in Mrs. Kelly’s 3rdgrade class anymore, I don’t have 3 tubs of paste to eat hidden in my desk as to pass the time until the bell rings and we can all go home, so button your yapper and just nod your head if you’re so insistent on playing the suckup. Even if you don’t understand what’s going on, you can always ask whoever’s running this pointless meeting to pointlessly explain it pointlessly to you afterwards, pointlessly.
All I ask is that you don’t waste everybody else’s time with your inane questions that only serve for you to hear yourself speak, mushmouth. This isn’t exactly rocket science, any dolt with two brain cells to run together could handle what we do, so breaking it down to the smallest minute detail is even more useless than Kevin’s third chin. If you can’t figure it out on your own, ask afterwards, but don’t drag the 20 other people in this meeting + the drooling troglodytes we have running the board on the overnights through the seventh concentric circle of hell because you want to feel important and like you’re a contributor.
If you can’t really grasp the concept of shutting your piehole so we can get this ridiculously meaningless exercise in futility over with, how can management trust you to put a cork in it when you crack a mic? Look, I’m the commander and chief of the Incoherent Ramble Battalion, but even I know to stuff a sock in my foodchute when the situation calls for it, and this is one of those times.
Just do as I do, maintain eye contact, nod every so often, run your chin thoughtfully a few times, doodle on a niotepad so it seems like you’re taking notes if you want to get crazy, and try not to blow a taco fart that would make Karlson jealous. That way, we can all survive this meeting as quick as possible and get back to doing important things.
But if you raise your hand again and want to that guy and quibble over the proper procedure for filling out time cards in a timely fashion, I’ll take that hand and your time card and cram em both up your cramhole. Do me a favor, don’t be That Guy.
