RONDO’S EXTENSION = BEST DECISION EVER

I’m psyched.

No, really. Out-of-my-mind PSYCHED.

If you haven’t heard the news, the Celtics wrapped up one of my favorite players for the foreseeable future yesterday by giving Rajon Rondo a $55+ million dollar extension for five years. I, for one, am delighted. All the sports talk radio & blogger guys (when they weren’t talking about each other like high school girls) were jabber-jawing about how they wanted the C’s to wait until the end of the season to get something done, just in case he got hurt…

(*knocks on everything wood in sight)

… or if there was a poor free-agent market for him and nobody signed him to an offer sheet. This is why sports-talk radio guys are complete idiots. A team like the Thunder (imagine Rondo dishing to Durant, Westbrook and Jeff Green!) or the Hawks (also with pantloads of cap room, and Joe Johnson, Josh Smith and Marvin Williams)would’ve been banana-nut-muffin-farts CRAZY to NOT try and sign him to a Gilbert Arenas level contract (pocketing over $16 million this year!). The Celtics would have had to either let him walk or match it, which would have CRUSHED them financially for years to come.

Yeah, no thanks. This is only one reason why this is one of the best decisions the Celtics have made since the 1980 draft day trade that landed us Parish & McHale in exchange for the immortal Joe Barry Carroll.

Let’s say they DON’T do the deal and Rondo and the Celtics AT LEAST make it to the conference finals this year; he continues to progress, and all of a sudden, everybody else realizes what those of us who’ve been paying attention already know: Rondo MIGHT be the best pure PG in the game right now, or could end the debate very shortly.

He’s outplayed the moody Chris Paul every time they’ve played head-to-head, and has achieved more team success. Yes, Paul is a sexier commodity and has the national recognition, but Rondo already has a title, and if the C’s were to tear through this season and win another one, you’ve GOT to entertain the notion Rondo’s the better option.

I already consider Rondo to be slightly better than Paul (who looks like he’s starting to fray at the edges and get frustrated with the Hornets’ descent back into mediocrity), and while I haven’t seen enough of Deron Williams to make a rational case, everybody says CP3 is slightly better than Williams in the “Who’s the Best Young NBA PG” argument. Jameer Nelson and Devin Harris are good and could be great, but Rondo has shown more talent on a more consistent basis already, so I think they’re the bottom 2 in that debate. The one guy who I put on a pedestal alongside Rondo is Rose, but he needs one more season under his belt before I’m ready to declare these two to be the new Magic/Isiah battle of the NBA.

Celtics fans who actually watch games can tell you that Rondo is amazing defensively, and has become a great floor general with a flair for steady-if-not-flashy passing skills. That’s exactly what you want in a point guard; you don’t want a Iverson-type who needs to take a shot to give you a chance to win. Speaking of his shot: so far in this young season it looks much better, and he looks comfortable taking it now, and has since last year’s playoffs. He CAN score, he just doesn’t NEED to to give you the best chance to win. He gives you more (and greatly improved) possessions through steals and nifty assists; he doesn’t waste them by jacking up threes or driving into a crowded lane and putting up an awkward runner. He maximizes the opportunities to score. That makes your team and everybody on it better.

Now, I don’t like comparing players’ stats: each team’s roster, scheme, and gameplan is different; and NBA numbers are wildly skewed by these things. (see: Nash: The D’Antoni Years.)

All I know is, I’d rather have Rondo as my long-term solution at PG than anybody else in the league right now. He fits the Celtics, he (barring anything unforseen) is only going to get better, and at that $55M+ price tag, he’s getting paid around the same amount that Golden State is paying Monta Ellis, who’s only accomplishment so far is falling off a motorcycle. Look at the top-paid PGs and what they’re getting paid this season:

Arenas $16.2 million – Wizards
Chris Paul $13.5 million – Hornets
Deron Williams $13.5 million – Jazz
Steve Nash $13.1 million – Suns
Tony Parker – $12.6 million – Spurs
Baron Davis $12.5 million – Clippers
Billups $12.1 million – Nuggets
RONDO $11.0 MILLION – YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ 2010 NBA CHAMPS!
Ellis $11.0 million – Warriors
Mo Williams $8.9 million – Cavs
Ford – $8.5 million – Pacers
Harris $8.4 million – Nets
Calderon $8.2 million – Raptors
Kidd – $8.0 million – Mavericks

Tell me the Celtics didn’t get a steal. I’m a tremendously biased homer, but I’d put Rondo as the best fit for the C’s AND best future prospect for greatness on that list, and while you CAN argue that he’s not a top-3 PG in this league right now, you’d HAVE to say he’s got a shot to be the best in a very short while. And he’s nowhere near the top of that money list. When everybody else in the association is gunning for you, and you’re able to lock up a proven winner at the arguably most important position on the court without breaking the bank, you’re not only doing things right; you’re kicking ass. I don’t think about what happens after this season for the C’s, and whether they re-sign Ray or whatever; you can only win one title at a time. But as of right now, the Celtics have managed to kill two birds with one stone: take care of a big part of their future at a reasonable price, while removing any sideshow distractions an unresolved situation might have caused.

If he doesn’t improve at all, stays at this level, or God forbid, gets hurt, I’m still happy. This is a deal the C’s had to do. He’s already special. He can be AMAZING. This kid could be a triple-double machine. He was in the playoffs last year… AND HE’S 23!

Rondo’s going to be one of the best Celtics we’ve ever seen for a very long time, at what will be seen in hindsight as a very conservative salary. I’m already ecstatic. I’m over the moon. I’ll wait for the rest of you to catch up.

RIDE THE BLACK TACO!

Ok, I know that sounds kind of dirty, but honestly, all Halle Berry sexythoughts aside, we (as Americans) have to get behind this thing. Hear me out.

Warning: You don't get models by eating this thing. But you DO get explosive pants-destroying shit-bombs.

If you don’t know what Taco Bell’s Black Jack Taco is yet, you’ve either not watched baseball for the last 2 months or haven’t been baked out of your gourd at 2am and within arm’s reach of your car keys. There’s been just an advertising onslaught for this diabolical southwestern fast-food creation going on for the last 6 weeks, especially on TBS, the home of the MLB playoffs. (You remember the unholy hell TBS put us Sox fans through in 2007 with the god-awful Frank TV spots, they were on every fuckin’ 10 minutes, or whenever there was a break in action.) Here’s the spot:

Well, Phillies fans have suffered the same treatment, only this time, the commercial they’re cramming down everyone’s throat is for the Black Jack Taco (which looks like somebody just melted down a dirty ashtray, bent it, and filled it with Grade E ground beef and something called “Jack Sauce”, which in and of itself is rife with hilariously DISGUSTING connotations.)

Now, normally, I’d trust you to have the good sense to avoid the violent diarrhea, heartburn and instant regret that would come with eating such a vile concoction, but… it might just be the best shot we actual sports fans have at holding off the Yankeees and sparing us another year of hearing their idiot numbskull “fans” crow about yet another World Series Championship. 

You see, some Phillies fans have taken the Black Taco (which they’ve been beaten over the head with during every single playoff game this year) and made it their unofficial mascot of this year’s playoff run. Instead of groaning terribly after both watching a commercial for it and (god help them) eating one of these things, they’ve decided to embrace it, and it’s become an internet phenomenon of sorts. And the photoshops (as you can see, I’ve included some of my favorites) are TREMENDOUS.

So as the Phillies battle to stave off another year of Yankees fan’s gasbag braying, I say all of us Sox fans, and Anti-Spankees fans get behind it. Whatever works, right? As long as A-Rod stays title-less, I’m happy. LET’S RIDE THE BLACK TACO, PEOPLE!

But dear Lord, please don’t go out and eat one of these things. No need to risk internal bleeding.

(Big clinks to Urlesque for the tip, and Philebrity for the photoshops you can click on those links to get more info.)