RIDE THE BLACK TACO!

Ok, I know that sounds kind of dirty, but honestly, all Halle Berry sexythoughts aside, we (as Americans) have to get behind this thing. Hear me out.

Warning: You don't get models by eating this thing. But you DO get explosive pants-destroying shit-bombs.

If you don’t know what Taco Bell’s Black Jack Taco is yet, you’ve either not watched baseball for the last 2 months or haven’t been baked out of your gourd at 2am and within arm’s reach of your car keys. There’s been just an advertising onslaught for this diabolical southwestern fast-food creation going on for the last 6 weeks, especially on TBS, the home of the MLB playoffs. (You remember the unholy hell TBS put us Sox fans through in 2007 with the god-awful Frank TV spots, they were on every fuckin’ 10 minutes, or whenever there was a break in action.) Here’s the spot:

Well, Phillies fans have suffered the same treatment, only this time, the commercial they’re cramming down everyone’s throat is for the Black Jack Taco (which looks like somebody just melted down a dirty ashtray, bent it, and filled it with Grade E ground beef and something called “Jack Sauce”, which in and of itself is rife with hilariously DISGUSTING connotations.)

Now, normally, I’d trust you to have the good sense to avoid the violent diarrhea, heartburn and instant regret that would come with eating such a vile concoction, but… it might just be the best shot we actual sports fans have at holding off the Yankeees and sparing us another year of hearing their idiot numbskull “fans” crow about yet another World Series Championship. 

You see, some Phillies fans have taken the Black Taco (which they’ve been beaten over the head with during every single playoff game this year) and made it their unofficial mascot of this year’s playoff run. Instead of groaning terribly after both watching a commercial for it and (god help them) eating one of these things, they’ve decided to embrace it, and it’s become an internet phenomenon of sorts. And the photoshops (as you can see, I’ve included some of my favorites) are TREMENDOUS.

So as the Phillies battle to stave off another year of Yankees fan’s gasbag braying, I say all of us Sox fans, and Anti-Spankees fans get behind it. Whatever works, right? As long as A-Rod stays title-less, I’m happy. LET’S RIDE THE BLACK TACO, PEOPLE!

But dear Lord, please don’t go out and eat one of these things. No need to risk internal bleeding.

(Big clinks to Urlesque for the tip, and Philebrity for the photoshops you can click on those links to get more info.)