You’re welcome. Have a good weekend, douchebags!

(Gracias a “Resplandor que se calienta” (Warming Glow) por la extremidad!)

Oh, right.

Congratulations, Yankees. You won the World Series after spending $423.5 million on free agents and building a ballpark I could hit a homer out of in ONE offseason. You tipped the scales in your favor so egregiously, it’s comparable to when I take advantage and trade for the top 10 draft picks in Madden every season in franchise mode and turn off the salary cap. It’s akin to challenging everybody on the shortbus to a Ping Pong & shoe-tying battle.

Yeah, it’s technically legal, what they did. But how is this good for the average fan? OF COURSE you’re going to be unstoppable, when you buy All-Stars for every position and a former Cy Young for every spot in the rotation. You should demolish the rest of the league when you exploit the (badly-in-need-of-revision) rules. For that amount of cash, you should have won 130 games and handed out blow-job gift certificates from Minka Kelly to every one of your “fans”.

Whatever, dude. I’m over it. I’m in full-basketball mode already anyway.

…this is taking it a little far. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love me some of all of the GG gals, (and our love for them is well-chronicled here on Colt Monday) but you’ve got to give some extra props to Betty White for getting out there and still being funny.  She was the best part of that awful Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds movie The Proposal and she popped up on 30 Rock this week. And we’re all familiar with her work as Rose on the Golden Girls (unless your not, and then we can’t be friends; sorry, loser!). But while I consider Golden Girls to to be one of the best TV shows of all time, somebody else has trumped me with their crazy-ass fandom for the show. You ready to see the scariest/most awesome tattoo ever?

Damn, dude. You’ve got Bea Arthur on your body, forever.

I TOLD you $55+ million was a FREAKING BARGAIN.

I’m psyched.

No, really. Out-of-my-mind PSYCHED.

If you haven’t heard the news, the Celtics wrapped up one of my favorite players for the foreseeable future yesterday by giving Rajon Rondo a $55+ million dollar extension for five years. I, for one, am delighted. All the sports talk radio & blogger guys (when they weren’t talking about each other like high school girls) were jabber-jawing about how they wanted the C’s to wait until the end of the season to get something done, just in case he got hurt…

(*knocks on everything wood in sight)

… or if there was a poor free-agent market for him and nobody signed him to an offer sheet. This is why sports-talk radio guys are complete idiots. A team like the Thunder (imagine Rondo dishing to Durant, Westbrook and Jeff Green!) or the Hawks (also with pantloads of cap room, and Joe Johnson, Josh Smith and Marvin Williams)would’ve been banana-nut-muffin-farts CRAZY to NOT try and sign him to a Gilbert Arenas level contract (pocketing over $16 million this year!). The Celtics would have had to either let him walk or match it, which would have CRUSHED them financially for years to come.

Yeah, no thanks. This is only one reason why this is one of the best decisions the Celtics have made since the 1980 draft day trade that landed us Parish & McHale in exchange for the immortal Joe Barry Carroll.

Let’s say they DON’T do the deal and Rondo and the Celtics AT LEAST make it to the conference finals this year; he continues to progress, and all of a sudden, everybody else realizes what those of us who’ve been paying attention already know: Rondo MIGHT be the best pure PG in the game right now, or could end the debate very shortly.

He’s outplayed the moody Chris Paul every time they’ve played head-to-head, and has achieved more team success. Yes, Paul is a sexier commodity and has the national recognition, but Rondo already has a title, and if the C’s were to tear through this season and win another one, you’ve GOT to entertain the notion Rondo’s the better option.

I already consider Rondo to be slightly better than Paul (who looks like he’s starting to fray at the edges and get frustrated with the Hornets’ descent back into mediocrity), and while I haven’t seen enough of Deron Williams to make a rational case, everybody says CP3 is slightly better than Williams in the “Who’s the Best Young NBA PG” argument. Jameer Nelson and Devin Harris are good and could be great, but Rondo has shown more talent on a more consistent basis already, so I think they’re the bottom 2 in that debate. The one guy who I put on a pedestal alongside Rondo is Rose, but he needs one more season under his belt before I’m ready to declare these two to be the new Magic/Isiah battle of the NBA.

Celtics fans who actually watch games can tell you that Rondo is amazing defensively, and has become a great floor general with a flair for steady-if-not-flashy passing skills. That’s exactly what you want in a point guard; you don’t want a Iverson-type who needs to take a shot to give you a chance to win. Speaking of his shot: so far in this young season it looks much better, and he looks comfortable taking it now, and has since last year’s playoffs. He CAN score, he just doesn’t NEED to to give you the best chance to win. He gives you more (and greatly improved) possessions through steals and nifty assists; he doesn’t waste them by jacking up threes or driving into a crowded lane and putting up an awkward runner. He maximizes the opportunities to score. That makes your team and everybody on it better.

Now, I don’t like comparing players’ stats: each team’s roster, scheme, and gameplan is different; and NBA numbers are wildly skewed by these things. (see: Nash: The D’Antoni Years.)

All I know is, I’d rather have Rondo as my long-term solution at PG than anybody else in the league right now. He fits the Celtics, he (barring anything unforseen) is only going to get better, and at that $55M+ price tag, he’s getting paid around the same amount that Golden State is paying Monta Ellis, who’s only accomplishment so far is falling off a motorcycle. Look at the top-paid PGs and what they’re getting paid this season:

Arenas $16.2 million – Wizards
Chris Paul $13.5 million – Hornets
Deron Williams $13.5 million – Jazz
Steve Nash $13.1 million – Suns
Tony Parker – $12.6 million – Spurs
Baron Davis $12.5 million – Clippers
Billups $12.1 million – Nuggets
RONDO $11.0 MILLION – YOUR MUTHAFUCKIN’ 2010 NBA CHAMPS!
Ellis $11.0 million – Warriors
Mo Williams $8.9 million – Cavs
Ford – $8.5 million – Pacers
Harris $8.4 million – Nets
Calderon $8.2 million – Raptors
Kidd – $8.0 million – Mavericks

Tell me the Celtics didn’t get a steal. I’m a tremendously biased homer, but I’d put Rondo as the best fit for the C’s AND best future prospect for greatness on that list, and while you CAN argue that he’s not a top-3 PG in this league right now, you’d HAVE to say he’s got a shot to be the best in a very short while. And he’s nowhere near the top of that money list. When everybody else in the association is gunning for you, and you’re able to lock up a proven winner at the arguably most important position on the court without breaking the bank, you’re not only doing things right; you’re kicking ass. I don’t think about what happens after this season for the C’s, and whether they re-sign Ray or whatever; you can only win one title at a time. But as of right now, the Celtics have managed to kill two birds with one stone: take care of a big part of their future at a reasonable price, while removing any sideshow distractions an unresolved situation might have caused.

If he doesn’t improve at all, stays at this level, or God forbid, gets hurt, I’m still happy. This is a deal the C’s had to do. He’s already special. He can be AMAZING. This kid could be a triple-double machine. He was in the playoffs last year… AND HE’S 23!

Rondo’s going to be one of the best Celtics we’ve ever seen for a very long time, at what will be seen in hindsight as a very conservative salary. I’m already ecstatic. I’m over the moon. I’ll wait for the rest of you to catch up.