THAT GUY – THE GUN NUT
WELL HEY THERE, DUMPCAKES. (Where ya been, buddy?) I’m coming out of (forced) retirement for a hot minute to call out all y’all who are hootin’ and hollerin’ like Yosemite Sam and firing your six-shooters in the air in slapnut solidarity with all the other slapnuts who think the school shooting epidemic in this fine fucked-up country of ours would be solved by adding more guns to the equation, and not less.
I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to be sucked into this, but… I’m sick of seeing the “UCC massacre was a result of it being a Gun Free Zone” discussion being passed around social media as a valid argument – it’s hogwash. At Umpqua CC you’re allowed to carry a concealed weapon – and a responsible level-headed gun-owner was doing exactly that on the day of the shooting. Wisely, he didn’t get involved – WHICH WAS THE RIGHT CALL – watch This video to find out why, and as you do – allow me to riddle that counter-argument you’re already crudely crafting in your cabeza with more holes than a mini-gun can make in a like-minded melon.
Stop trying to make this about “gun free zones” – and how MORE guns would’ve stopped this from happening – UCC wasn’t a gun free zone, and it didn’t make a difference. People HAD guns on campus that day, and it didn’t make a difference.
There needs to be strict gun laws. We need recurring background checks, a waiting period, and mental health screenings before you can buy anything above a BB gun – across the board. No exceptions. Everywhere.
Don’t come at me with the “Chicago has the strictest gun laws in the country and look at how that’s working out” thing, either. Last time I checked, it’s an hour ride outta Chicago to a state that’ll sell you a gun. So a simple carpool or a bus ride runs that ridiculous rise right off the road.
If I wanted a gun, I’d pass the current protocols and get licensed, and I’m a teacher now – but putting guns in school officials’ hands won’t stop this from occurring again. It just won’t. People who work in schools have enough to worry about without the added responsibility of being the single armed ever-vigilant protector of hundreds, if not thousands of kids. That’s insane. Purposely putting guns on school property to prevent shootings – can you honestly in your right mind NOT see that’s ludicrous? That logic is on par with whoever keeps handing Donald Trump a mic instead of a script every morning – “Hey, maybe today’s the day he WON’T say something ridiculous!”
I’m not saying NO ONE should have guns – far from it. I’m just saying we should make it REALLY HARD TO GET ONE.
If you really want one and are competent, have at it. Go nuts, bucko – I’m not trying to say you don’t have a right to it. I’m just saying the mild annoyance of filling out a few more forms, taking a few more tests, and waiting a few more days to get one is worth it if it means one more family doesn’t have to bury their child, don’t you think?
I can’t believe people are trying to pin this on the idea NOT ENOUGH people had guns in this situation. If you’re making that argument, or are allowing other people to make it in your presence, you’re nuts. It might’ve happened in Oregon, but turning that campus into the Wild West wouldn’t have saved a soul. It probably would’ve cost us more innocent lives, if anything.
More guns aren’t the answer. More common sense is.
Everybody carried a gun back in the Wild West, and not too many of them lived to see 50. The gun in your gun cabinet or glovebox isn’t going to do a lick of good to protect your kid from a wacko with an assault weapon while you’re at work, and we all know it. Making that wacko jump through hoops and try to pass himself off as a normal functioning me member of society as he struggles to pass the tests in an attempt to get that assault weapon in the first place would.
Think about it: How many times have you said “You know what? I really want to stop for a coffee at Dunks – but that line at the drive thru looks really long – there’s like, 3 whole cars. Fuck it, I’ll grab a soda at work.” Then you get to work, but you don’t need that caffeine, because you’re already awake after screaming into your rear view mirror at the jackass who tailgated you on the highway for the last 20 minutes of your commute FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. You’re good, you’re late for a meeting anyway. Maybe you’ll grab a soda at lunch, if you’ve got the time.
Now imagine if that was for a gun.
No offense, but you’re not going to bother, right? You’ll just go down to the range and rent one to blow off steam. Maybe this weekend. Or next. If you’ve got the time.
My point? Minor hurdles and tiny speed bumps may be annoying; but they’re there for a reason – to stop runaway lunatics from careening unchecked into the rest of us. Yeah they piss us off, but it’s a lot better to pump the brakes a few times than to have some texting bimbo barrel into us at breakneck speed.
If the hassle of getting a gun dissuaded even one demented dumbass from doing something diabolic – isn’t that worth it to you?
If it isn’t, you probably haven’t bothered to read this far, and you’ve already left in a huff and clicked on that bookmark you’ve got up in your Dogpile toolbar that takes you to Drudge, in which case you can take your head out of the sand along with them Tea Party pamphlets and promptly cram it all up your cramhole. In the unlikely (but not impossible) scenario I’m wrong, please – just do me a favor? Take a minute. Breathe. Listen to reason…
… and don’t be that guy.