Last night at the Celtics game, Stevie and I got pretty mangled on beer and scotch, to the point where I was still drunk when I woke up this morning. I didn’t remember seeing this nightmare fuel until right now, but that kid above was featured prominently on the Jumbotron during the Fan Cam segment, and Sweet Baby Jesus – he scares the ever-livin’ fuck out of me.
He jiggled and shook his tubby jowls for what felt like an eternity, and part of my soul died with each flabby jostle. Look, I don’t like picking on the mentally-challenged fat little porkers who ride the short bus every day, but c’mon! This landbeast’s parents shouldn’t be encouraging this. I’m glad they figured out another use for him besides sending him out to the mailbox every day, but this is just cruel.
There’s no way this kid can come back from this later on in life. He’s forever gonna be known as the roly-poly piece of shit who used to shake his facefat and mook for the cameras at Celtics games and gave us unprepared folk night terrors.
I’m gonna call him “Jumbo”. Does anybody have any more info on him? I can’t find any video of him online yet.