That Guy – Who Complained There Were Too Many People At The Bruins Parade

Well, alright then. I’ve been doing this bit on WZLX for over 4 years now, and I’ve got plenty of them, but considering I’ve been seeing more ripoffs of it, I thought I might as well stake my claim.

Listen to all of them here: The THAT GUY Archive! There are many more here.

That Guy – Who Complained There Were Too Many People At The Bruins Parade
Originally aired June 20th, 2011 on 100.7 WZLX Boston‘s Classic Rock: The “Karlson & McKenzie” Morning Show.

That Guy – Who Complained There Were Too Many People At The Bruins Parade

That Guy Who Complained There was too many people at the parade.

Well hey there,  bubbleguts. So, this one comes to us via twitter actually, as one of our listeners, Sean Crosby or croz3152, tweeted that he ran into our “That Guy” this week during the Bruins Parade of Awesomeness on Saturday. Apparently, Sean was in that sea of people waiting to see the Stanley Cup roll on by on a duckboat, and he got bumped by a guy trying to get through the crowd who was getting knocked around.

I guess this choadmonger took exception to it, and started bitching about being ass to elbow with over one million strong hockey fans. Thanks for shooting me the tweet, Sean, because that guy needs to get called out faster than Kevin can call out for another sausagelovers pizza. That guy who complained there were too many people at the parade.

Really? Really? What were you expecting? It’s a parade! It doesn’t work if there isn’t a crowd, and it works just as Kevin’s approach to Swedish meatballs: the more, the merrier. My throat is still sore from screaming my lungs out as Chara, Bergy, Timmy and Marchand AKA Ass Eyes hoisted the cup, but it sounds like your throat would be sore for entirely different reasons. If you’re upset you had to crane your neck to see, or wait in line outside of a bar, it’s your own damn fault.

Plan better.

You could have left a little earlier, or just stayed at home and watched it on TV if you can’t handle something for two hours the people of Tokyo deal with their whole life. Seriously, have you ever been there? Sardines seem to be sprawling in comparison. Get over your boundary and personal space issues and deal with it, that awesome parade was more awesome than anything has ever awesomed. I mean, it was even better than that time I made nachos with nacho-flavored Doritos.

Do you not get how parades function? I bet you were also that guy who only went to college to join a frat and the only thing you learned at school was how to piss in the sink.  You’re more of a wet blanket that Kevin’s Scooby doo throw he has to wash every time he has a nightmare. Saturday was a perfect day for Bruins fans, and the real ones wouldn’t have cared if we had to pile into a boiling hot dumpster behind a Peruvian noodlehouse to see the B’s bring the cup back home, so save your bitching for your therapist or your cat.

Hell, While I was leaving, I had someone kick over an abandoned chew spit cup on the curb and it shot up and some splashed shot me right in the face, but I was so happy, I just wiped it off with my sleeve and kept on smiling. If that had happened to this dumpcake, I’m pretty sure he’d think him and the spit cup were dating. Complaining about a parade being too crowded is like complaining a sauna for being too humid, or complaining about Kevin constantly farting… that’s all they know, for chrissakes!

It’s like saying Girl Scout cookies are too delicious to eat. Oh do you know how many calories are in a sleeve of thin mints. Fuck you, that’s how many. So stop grumbling, sack up, and just be glad the fact we had a reason to throw a parade, or else I’ll take this pennant I bought at a ridiculous mark up and cram it even farther up your cramhole. Do me a favor, don’t be that guy.

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About Braden

I'm Braden from the "Karlson & McKenzie" show on 100.7 WZLX, Boston's Classic Rock. I'm the co-founder of coltmonday.com, and a contributor to WZLX.com, as well. I think I'm hilarious.
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